I admit it, this is a set-up question.
Asking “Can following someone else’s rules lead to your independence?” is rhetorical, right? Because of course your response is going to be “no,” and probably an emphatic “no” at that!
After all, following and independent don’t usually go together.
Yet, here’s what I wonder:
How much of your life is governed by following rules someone else has created – that you haven’t even questioned?
By no means is the below list meant to be exhaustive, but here are a few examples that come to mind for me of rules that touch almost every aspect of your life. As you peruse the list, jot down the various rules you follow within each category:
- money rules
- love rules
- life rules
- dating rules
- communication rules
- work rules
- rules of the internet
- rules of social medial
- friendship rules
- family rules
- rules of negotiation
- rules of the road
- rules of conduct
Looking over your notes, how many of those rules have you adopted because of conditioning or because that’s what was expected of you vs. rules you adapted or created because that’s what would best serve you and your life goals?
Rules + Conformity
When I look at aspects of my life, I realize I have an issue with certain rules.
Particularly those that conjure up images of conformity. And while I suspect we all conform to something, conforming to the general norm has never quite been my strong suit.
My mother would probably say this trait harkens back to my childhood. But a comical (to me) example from adulthood happened when I took the DiSC personality and behavioral assessment tool for the first time.
When it came time to review my results, I was asked why I didn’t answer a particular question. My response, “…because I didn’t like the options.” You can imagine how the rest of that session went.
What do rules, in general, and my relationship to them, as an example, have to do with you?
Well… here in the U.S. we’re about the celebrate Independence Day on July 4th. Our Canadian comrades celebrated their Independence Day on July 1st. I don’t know about you, but it’s hard to think of independence without its closely entwined kin: freedom.
I’m talking about the “freedom from” and the “freedom to” kinda of freedom…
Making this a perfect to time to ask:
How independent and free are you?
Better still, how independent and free are you living?
When you think about your day, from the moment you rise to the moment you go back to bed, how much of it is lived on your terms? How much of it is lived according to rules you’ve consciously and compassionately created? The choices you make throughout the day cast a spotlight on the connection between the rules you follow and how independent and free you feel.
So…to what degree do your choices reflect you are living your most ideal day…and, thus, life?
If you say to a high degree, freakin kudos for you!
If you say to a low or medium degree, which is like the majority of us to some extent, these questions probably feel like a sucker-punch in your belly – don’t they?!
Once you straighten your back, you’ll quickly realize two things:
1) The sucker-punch feeling is a reminder of the possibilities you aren’t actually experiencing right now.
2) Your answers and reactions to the questions are a direct correlation to whether you are living by your own rules or if you are following unquestioned rules created by someone else.
This is truly an exercise in confronting a question I ask with great frequency: are you living by design or by default?
Many – perhaps you – unwittingly fall into the ‘by default’ camp. And what’s worse, they (perhaps this includes you, too) can’t see a way out. But there is…
The World According to Your Rules
There is a way to live more of your days by design. There is a way to live-out your most ideal day – each day – so that you end up living-out your most ideal life.
Jullien Gordon – of JullienGordon.com – is going to show us how; he’s going to share with us what small shifts we can make, beginning with this whopper: stop presuming that because you got the “right” answers that means you asked the “right” questions. Yeah, chew on that for a minute…
That is why I am delighted beyond measure that he’ll be my guest for next week’s tele-seminar: Ready to Live a More Fulfilled Life? Start by Creating Your Perfect Average Day!
Some people consciously choose to live by other people’s rules, and they are fine with that choice.
Some people are living by other people’s rules and are unhappy, but haven’t discovered how to lovingly question the rules that don’t sit well with them and/or question those who’ve set them; yet they are ready to make some changes.
Some people aren’t living their most ideal lives because circumstances make them feel locked into their current reality.
Some people are working feverishly to set up their days/life to match the vision of their ideal day/life – to feel more independent and free – but just need a slight push over the top. They need a tipping point moment to amp up the happiness factor.
Which are you?
Jullien is an innerviewer (no, it’s not a typo) and he has some questions + exercises that will rock your world! They certainly rocked mine two months ago, and I’ve been wanting to introduce you to him ever since!!
Fair warning: you just might need to change what and whose rules you’re following :).
Look forward to seeing you on the 9th for the tele-seminar – Ready to Live a More Fulfilled Life? Start by Creating Your Perfect Average Day!
In the meantime, have a wonderful and safe 4th of July…Happy Independence Day!
p.s. I hope it’s obvious and goes without saying, but just in case…no, I’m not an anarchist and I do respect authority. I’m not advocating breaking any lawful or moral rules of behavior. But I do believe in questioning and to following some rules and conformity by design…not by default. I think more people would be far happier if they figured out what made them happy and lived that way, rather than living out someone else’s version of what their life should look like. Oftentimes, that difference is a direct reflection of what and whose rules are being followed. You feel me?