How Did the Last Shift in Your Identity Impact Your Relationship With Money?
Your financial behavior changes when your identity changes.
“Who are you?”
That’s a seemingly simple enough question, right? Yet, the answer is anything but.
And that’s because your answer to “who are you?” is really about your identity and the many layers it encompasses — your natural traits, your familial and cultural background, your self-concept, etc.
Whereas some aspects of your identity stay relatively static (think: traits, beliefs, values), others aren’t (think: roles).
A role change is usually precipitated by a life transition, e.g.,:
Single -> Married
Married -> Divorced (or widowed)
Full house -> Empty-nester
Employee -> Entrepreneur/business owner
Child-free -> Parent
Poor -> Rich
Rich -> Wealthy
I don’t think we talk enough about how when there’s a shift in your identity, your behavior tends to change as well — especially when it comes to money.
A shift can be hard to navigate when you initiate the change; it can be incredibly challenging to do so when you didn’t.
And yet, most of us navigate these shifts without ever stopping to ask: what did that change do to how I think, feel, and behave around money?
But here’s the irony: you can’t notice a shift (or know what to do with it), if you don’t have a clear baseline understanding of your current relationship with money.
This is why I encourage you, at a minimum, to:
track your money (not solely for the purposes of knowing what’s going on with the numbers, but to also notice what’s happening behind the numbers), and
have a financial strategy - aka: manage your money with intention
Let me make this a little more concrete.
Need Some Examples?
This series was sparked by the media interview I mentioned regarding retirees who check the stock market daily. This is a major life and financial transition — especially if the person doesn’t feel adequately prepared.
But I’ve also had a front-row seat to other major transitions, too:
- Helping couples understand that whether they approach the merging of the financials using “yours, mine, ours” or some variation thereof, they aren’t just merging numbers — they are merging financial habits, philosophies, goals, and visions.
- Helping experts who’ve spent the first decade of their career working for someone else, launch a venture of their own.
- Helping current business owners take their six-figure businesses to seven-figures or a lucrative exit.
In all instances, we didn’t just crunch numbers. We discussed what emotions were bubbling up to the surface for them and how those were shaping their perspective and choices — in other words, we were addressing their relationship with money.
How to Stay Grounded
When life (career) transitions bring about any major financial transition, you can feel a little unmoored. That’s why leaning into the static aspects of your identity can serve as an anchor when the dynamic parts (roles) are in flux.
An exercise I have all my coaching clients do is a SWOT analysis. If you're unfamiliar, SWOT is a framework that comes from management, consulting, and engineering. It’s traditionally used to evaluate projects and strategic decisions.
I happen to believe it’s also an excellent tool for evaluating you —
how you approach your work, how you make decisions, and ultimately, how those same patterns show up in your relationship with money.
After completing two rounds of the SWOT (one related to their profession; the other to their money), folks often end up paying attention to their traits, beliefs, and values. It’s not that they weren’t aware of these, but more often than not — they haven’t explicitly connected the dots between these and how they think, feel, and behave around money.
Maybe you’re already in the midst of a transition as you read this. Or, maybe this is a chance to be prepared for the one that’s coming.
If either one of these is true for you, now is the perfect time to identify your traits, beliefs, and values and how you want them to show up in your financial decisions.
Or, perhaps you’re catching your breath after having completed a recent shift. If this is the case, take a moment to write what traits, beliefs, and values you wished you had leaned on more to help you navigate this transition. This way you’ll be even more fortified when the next one shows up.
Either way, the goal is the same: to know yourself well enough that when your world shifts — and it will — your money doesn’t have to. (Or at least not in extreme, unexpected ways.)
Because financial success isn’t just about what you do with your money during a transition. It’s about who you are through it.
Next week, we’ll bring this series home with what it actually looks like to move from reacting to your financial life — to responding to it with intention.
About Jacquette
I love to ask questions and spark aha moments. I love to talk about why success with money is about more than just the numbers, and how the cultural impact on the intersection of money, business, and life matters–A LOT! And, I really hope I help people feel seen, heard, and not judged—especially since money is emotional and personal.
