Talking Love & Money: A Trend is Developing That Disturbs Me

Talking Love & Money: A Trend is Developing That Disturbs Me

There is a trend happening when it comes to the matter of talking about love and money. You may have noticed it as well. Heck, it may even be a bandwagon you’ve jumped on. It’s a trend, however, that I find disturbing. Because I believe it is causing couples to miss the whole point of the purpose and intent of talking about love and money. Paul Carrick Brunson, one of the people I follow on Twitter, who works as a modern-day matchmaker and is the co-host of LoveTown on the OWN network, shared a link to, “Bad Credit: A Deal Breaker for Many Singles.” It reminded me of a related piece that appeared in the New York Times almost a year ago – “Perfect 10? Never Mind That. Ask Her for Her Credit Score.” There have been countless other articles like these, recently — articles that put a spotlight on a particular number: one’s credit score. My problem isn’t with the question of asking about someone’s credit score. That is certainly important information to (eventually) know. My problem is with the timing and the seemingly associated judgment without context. False sense of intimacy People who proclaim they “won’t even give someone their digits until they know their date’s credit score,” are missing a critical point: intimacy is earned…over time! Intimacy – financial or otherwise – it is not something to which you are entitled from the other person. And the connection that leads to intimacy is formed from shared experiences. This is how intimacy is earned. Otherwise, at least in my opinion, it falls into the false sense of intimacy...
A Financial Medley: Let’s Dance (David Bowie, Style)

A Financial Medley: Let’s Dance (David Bowie, Style)

I thought I’d wrap up this current love + money series with a little David Bowie. Specifically, his song, “Let’s Dance.” Yes, that funk-based love song from the 80s. There are like a bazillion songs in the world, yet this is the one that popped to mind when I thought about love + money being: a dance To make love + money work well, you need two people who are in sync more times than not; two people who are both willing to take the lead and willing to follow – and who know which role they are in, and when it’s best to be in that role for the sake of the relationship. a medley A medley – whether you’re talking about music or something else – really boils down to a mixture. At the end of the day, the same is true when it comes to love + money…you are mixing together the histories, goals, aspirations, expectations, hopes, life-visions, dreams, habits, choices, preferences, etc. of two people. Ideally, you want that mixture to produce a harmonious end result! an on-going exercise in managing opposites, contrasts and contradictions The opening verse of “Let’s Dance” says it all! “Put on your red shoes and dance the blues…” a commitment Being the child of a musician and having played an instrument for seven years, one thing I know about music is that you never stop practicing! I also know that discipline is deeply embedded in even free-form music. To make love + money work, you must be willing to practice demonstrating love (as the other person needs it, not just...
Are You Having Fun?

Are You Having Fun?

One of the reasons I conduct surveys is to get out of my own head and world. It gives me a chance to see the many facets of money through the eyes of my clients and potential clients, not as I or my professional peers do. It gives me a chance to validate some of my assumptions, as well as to have others challenged. It gives me a chance to discover what I’m missing that I don’t know I’m missing. Weekend before last I randomly approached total strangers in my neighborhood and asked them to share what came to mind when they thought of love and money (the focus of these posts the last few weeks). This past weekend, on various social media feeds, I asked people to complete the following statement: “The real reason money disrupts a perfectly good, or great, relationship is…” If we’re not connected on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, or we are, but you missed this, how would you complete the above statement? Leave a comment in the comment section (see link above). The Great Recession Took More than Money & Jobs From Us As I reflect on the responses to each question/survey, I couldn’t help but think: “Man, the Great Recession zapped more than money and jobs.” Five years later and the stock market is at an all time high, with the Dow crossing the 15,000 threshold for a brief moment; unemployment numbers look better; the personal debt-to-equity ratio is a wee-bit better (for most); and savings and investment accounts are on the rebound (for most). But something is missing. During a conversation with...
Same Road. Different Lane.

Same Road. Different Lane.

Ooh, I’ve been looking forward to publishing this post for awhile. I’m excited to share some news…I’m excited about what this moment (a year in the making) signifies for the road ahead. I am writing to share a few small, subtle shifts that will impact how I serve you. But first, some context… As I’ve shared from time to time, I’ve been working with Stephanie Pollock, business activator & leadership coach.  This time last year, she and I embarked on a journey with me having no idea, really, where it would lead. I was simply crystal clear that: a) something needed to change, and b) I needed help. It was time to redirect the “ship” and reach my tipping point. To say that working with Stephanie has been (and continues to be) a blessing beyond measure is truly an understatement. Little did I know back then that my choice to work with her was an act of self-love – both for my business and me personally. While I am writing to share with you some important updates. This isn’t just about me. My hope is that you’ll dig beneath the surface and ask yourself: “Am I so focused on making the BIG moves, decisions or (fill in the blank) that I’m overlooking the power of making small, subtle shifts?” Small really is the new significant! Retiring sterlingchoices.net As you may have noticed, we have a new online home and a modified home-page. Yay! We haven’t done a complete design overhaul and a few pages still need to be updated; all that is forthcoming. But after ten years, I decided...