Why Do the Things You Can’t See Influence the Ones You Can?
Is there a couple that you admire — ideally one you know in real life?
If so, what is it that you admire about them?
Is what you admire something that’s visible — or something you sense but can’t quite point to?
Often, what we admire most in others isn’t something we can see at all. It’s how they navigate conflict. How they make decisions together. How they manage tension, uncertainty, or change.
I start here because the same dynamic shows up in how you and I relate to money.
It’s also why comparison can be both useful and harmful.
At its best, comparison clarifies — it helps us see what we want more of, or less of. It can be motivating.
At its worst, comparison distracts — pulling our attention toward what we lack and away from what we’re actually building.
In both cases, what’s doing the influencing isn’t what we see — it’s what we assume.
Beneath the financial decisions you and I make — and the ones we hesitate to make — are invisible influences that quietly shape our choices.
And while the influence may be quiet, the results tend to be quite loud.
This is one of the reasons I created Successful, Profitable… and Not Broke — a six-month coaching experience for business owners who want their financial decisions to reflect their actual values, capacity, long-term vision, and supports their personal financial wll-being…not just what looks good on paper.
Because when the invisible influences go unexamined, they tend to run the show.
The Invisible Influences Are…
While there are many hidden forces that shape how you make decisions, let’s focus on these four:
Approval
The desire to be seen as responsible, successful, or “doing it right” — even when that approval comes at a personal cost.
Responsibility
The stories we carry about what we should hold, fix, or protect — often long after those responsibilities have shifted.
Identity
Who we believe we are allowed to be with money — and who we fear becoming if we choose differently.
Stability vs. Expansion
The ongoing tension between maintaining what feels safe and reaching for what feels possible.
None of these influences fit neatly into a cell on a spreadsheet. But they shape what ends up on it.
It’s also why my work consistently invites people to respect the numbers — without mistaking them for the whole story.
Do You See What I See?
When we focus only on what we can see — the numbers, the outcomes, the surface-level choices — we miss what’s actually driving the decision.
And the work of building a healthier relationship with money begins by noticing what’s been quietly influencing you all along.
That’s true in relationships. If the couple you admire is one you know in real life, you can ask them what they do — and how.
This is just as true financially.
If there are people whose financial lives you admire, ask them:
how they make choices and trade-offs
what signals tell them it’s time to adjust course
how they respond when plans fall apart
how they navigate tension between short- and long-term goals
how frequently they track their progress
when they choose to go it alone — and when they seek support
What makes these questions powerful is that they honor privacy while revealing their process.
You’re not asking about numbers.
You’re learning how decisions are made.
And that’s where real influence lives.
A 5-Minute Reflection Exercise
If you’re open to it, here’s a short reflection to try this week — no numbers crunching required.
Think about one financial decision you’re currently facing — or one you’ve been avoiding.
Ask yourself:
What do I want this decision to say about me? (Approval/Identity)
What responsibility am I assuming — consciously or unconsciously? (Responsibility)
What feels more compelling right now: staying stable or expanding? Why? (Stability vs. expansion)
If no one else were watching or judging, would my choice change? (Approval + clarity)
What might this decision quietly train me to expect going forward? (Second-order effects)
You don’t need perfect answers. Awareness alone can shift how much power these influences hold.
About Jacquette
I love to ask questions and spark aha moments. I love to talk about why success with money is about more than just the numbers, and how the cultural impact on the intersection of money, business, and life matters–A LOT! And, I really hope I help people feel seen, heard, and not judged—especially since money is emotional and personal.
