The Quiet Money Lessons of Mothers — and How We Carry Them Forward
I know some people don’t know their birth mothers. And others do, but they are estranged. That is not my story.
My mother and I were close. Sure, we had our share of challenging times (especially during my teenage years!). But, really, what meaningful relationship doesn’t go through a few growing pains?
When I reflect on my behavior then — and during a few other years as an adult — I sometimes cringe. Yet through it all, my mother’s love was the epitome of unconditional love. Our daily phone calls never missed a beat.
Yeah, I’m feeling a bit mushy as I write; tomorrow is Mother’s Day and mine is no longer here and I miss her dearly.
Though she may be gone in physical form, her lessons — especially about money — are still very much with me. The obvious ones, and the quiet, unspoken ones.
My mother never sat me down and said, “I’m teaching you a money lesson.” Instead, she taught through her actions, choices, and values.
Over the years, I’ve realized part of growing up is learning to notice those unspoken lessons — and to mother myself, too, by filling in what might have been left unsaid or simply unknown.
Here are a few examples of what I mean:
Growing up, I had to save fifty-percent of my allowance and babysitting money — even what I earned when I worked at the mall in high-school. (You may have heard me share this story.)
When I was in middle school, my mother taught me how to write a check and balance her checkbook. Just in case she got sick and I needed to make sure the bills were paid.
In undergrad, I wanted to buy something I saw at Bloomingdale’s. I called my mother, who was 400 miles away, to ask if I could use her credit card. Her response, “Put it on lay-a-away.” My retort: “Mommy, Bloomingdale’s is NOT that kind of story!” (Needless to say, I didn’t get whatever caught my eye - LOL.)
These were unspoken lessons about saving, being fiscally responsible, and not carrying consumer debt.
She demonstrated these lessons by living them.
And lucky for me, these were good, healthy ways of engaging with money.
And Then There’s This
Some money lessons are overtly about money; others are not. Like, being:
Resourceful - My mother was resourceful by way of what I describe as her “practical creativity,” which I wrote about here. As a single-parent, she had a steady, federal job alongside her entrepreneurial endeavors.
Generous - She was also generous. Yes, of course, with me. I never wanted for anything growing up.
However, after her death, I’d learn how generous she was with other people, too. And one of the many things that makes my mother cool in my eyes is how “quiet” she was about what she did for others; she didn’t need to broadcast it with hopes of getting external accolades.
Grounded - Based on what my mother earned and what constituted a middle-class income in the 1980s, I grew up middle class. Yet, we knew people who had much less than we did, as well as those who had much more. And my mother never let someone’s financial standing dictate how she “saw” them. She honored everyone’s humanity regardless of how rich/wealthy they were…or were not.
This would end up serving me very well, especially when I started working in the private bank with high-net-worth individuals and families.
What financial adjacent lessons did you learn about money and how are they shaping your outlook on money, business, and life today?
Mothering Ourselves, Financially
Now, for all the great money lessons I did learn from my mother, there’s one I had to learn on my own: how to invest.
You know that saying, “You can’t teach what you don’t know?”
Well, she couldn’t teach me about stocks and bonds, because she didn’t invest outside her federal pension plan. So, I didn’t learn about that until I started working on Wall Street.
For you, maybe what you had to learn on your own is how to say, “no.” Because, in your household, you always heard your mother say, “yes,” whenever another family member or friend needed money.
Or, maybe you have a hard time enjoying money and spending it on things that make you happy, because growing up money was always tight. So, financial security feels precarious for you.
As adults, we have the opportunity to honor the lessons passed along to us; to reject the ones that no longer serve us; and to…
…give ourselves what was missing: education, boundaries, permission, and protection.
If I can get sappy for a moment, there’s nothing like a mother’s unconditional love. There’s nothing like celebrating and honoring the wisdom passed down from them. It’s why I am never shy about shouting out my mother!
So, I guess this has turned into an open letter of gratitude to my mother, Fontilla A. Timmons, for the quiet money lessons she taught and that I carry forward.
What quiet money lessons did you learn from your mother (or mother figure)? And if you were to write them a letter of thanks, what would you say?
Mothering isn’t just for biological mothers, so I’m wishing all the mothers and mother-figures a Happy Mother’s Day!
About Jacquette
I love to ask questions and spark aha moments. I love to talk about why success with money is about more than just the numbers, and how the cultural impact on the intersection of money, business, and life matters–A LOT! And, I really hope I help people feel seen, heard, and not judged—especially since money is emotional and personal.
