I have some friends whose relationship I absolutely adore. They’ve been together more than 30-years.
Some relationships of this length look tired and weary, absent of demonstrative love, smiles, fun and joy.
Not my friends – you can tell they are still each other’s best friend; that they truly enjoy each other’s company; and that they also probably have an active and steamy sex life.
I’m not delusional; plus, I’m close enough to them that when I’m around they don’t hide when they are mad at each other. So, I know a relationship like theirs doesn’t just happen – they both work at it. But as an “outsider” looking in, they make the work seem effortless – even the work of managing the intersection of love and money, including the dynamic of she earns more.
Spend any time with them and it becomes pretty evident that their relationship is operating with all cylinders – head, heart, and hormones – in sync. It’s a beautiful thing to witness.
When couples come to me for financial coaching, they say things like…
“I would like to learn about how to invest our money, how to spend it together and separately, how to save…”
“…However, our emotional issues and different values are holding us back from partnering ahead…”
“We have big differences when it comes to money, finances, spending, budgeting, saving, debt, etc. We don’t understand what these differences are or the underlying bases or root causes…”
“We don’t agree on investment vehicles, risk tolerance, etc. Therefore, we don’t have a long-term financial plan and always fail at adhering to short-term strategies.”
Do any of these sentiments sound remotely familiar?
“Don’t Disturb This Groove”
Here’s the deal: No matter how you slice it, what these couples are really, in essence, saying is, “we are not operating on all cylinders – we are not in sync when it comes to our money…”
Ultimately, money challenges have disrupted the understanding they have – it has interrupted the rhythm and personality that makes their relationship theirs. So much so that they need outside intervention.
Out of all the couples I’ve coached over these many years, only one has admitted that financial stress is affecting their sexual intimacy. But let’s face it, it had to have been an issue to some degree for some of the other couples.
After all, it’s kinda hard to feel sexy and attractive when you’re stressed about money or pissed about what your sweetie did (or didn’t do) or both. Likewise, it’s kinda hard to escape the fact that sex and intimacy are forms of communication – it’s how you and your sweetie connect and express your “secret” language in ways no one in the outside world would be privy to. Yeah, we’re having a grown folk conversation today 🙂
And in a few weeks, I’m hosting a webinar to ensure your head, heart and hormones are in sync. Because money does affect your sex life and a healthy sex life is just as important an ingredient to having a healthy relationship as all the other domains of your relationship.
So, if you don’t want money to disturb your groove (The System, anyone?!) — if you want to dial up your sexy, then join me on Wednesday, 30 October at 8pm EST. Click here to register.
p.s. Master the Language of Love + Money – an interactive online course for couples ready to create a brand new relationship with their money…and each other begins November 4th!
photo credit; psychologytoday.com